Space drop vuii how to#

Most importantly it helps you identify the pain and hurt that the other person is going through without judging yourself.Īmber Rae Insta Account: heyamberrae HOW TO HAVE THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION

Sitting with the discomfort is internal, it allows you to recalibrate your core, reflect, assess your value sets, unlearn problematic behaviors and address your fears head-on. As much as we want to run away from it, growth and change in relationship can only be experienced in the productive zone of discomfort the vortex of tears and fears, existential crisis’s, unlearning and unfortunately some more tears.īut doesn’t the “space-zone” also gives me time to reflect, and the same is being done in the discomfort - so what’s the difference? SIT WITH THE DISCOMFORTĭitch the “space” and lean in by embracing the uncomfortable situation, reflecting and addressing the situation. Preventive measures include: Having the difficult talk before signs & symptoms set in. At all costs refrain from victimitus through preventive measures. Vulnerable people and those that have caught “feelings” are highly susceptible to catching the virus - victimitus. Abnormal growth in your hippocampus (read: ego), and impaired hearing!Ĭaution: Victimitus is highly contagious, cannot be cured by any anti-biotics. Signs & Symptoms: Partial blindness and insular views. That is the time when your ego is breeding, multiplying turning into an epidemic which I like to call the “victimitus”.

While all this back and forth is going on your mind the “space” is still continuing to infinity and beyond! And here is what starts happening, slowly your ego starts to creep in, you know that little voice that says stuff like “its not such a big deal, I don’t know why they are turning it into bigger than it should be”. If you are prone to guilt you will most likely “catastrophise” and go down a rabbit hole of “OMG, I am just a terrible person” “He doesn’t deserve me” “I can never make anyone happy” “I am a bad friend” - the catastrophisation statements are endless and I am sure you get the gist! You initially understand that you have hurt the other party and try to rationalize their behavior and why they want space. You end up upsetting and hurting them and like any decent person you apologize.īut instead your apology is returned to you with the “space bomb”. You and your boyfriend (can be replaced with friend, sibling, colleague or any species) have a steady relationship and rarely have any fights. Space puts the issue on the back burner and makes it more awkward to address the issue at hand. The former is a modest form of avoidance, which can lead to more damage than good. There are two ways to deal with the issue at hand –Ī) Without addressing the issue, you ask for spaceī) You sit with the discomfort and address the problem at hand At some point the ship has to face the waters and this is the pivotal moment where you establish the strength of the relationship. “Ships” are hard and varied and no ship sails smoothly till the end of time - friendships, relationships and partnerships. Personally I have replaced my space shuttles with boundaries– you may argue that “ Hey! isn’t this just a fancier term for space?” but I disagree vehemently! Boundaries are sophisticated, elastic and need practice read - extremely hard! DIFFICULTYSHIPS! Space can be dangerous and can lead to avoidant tendencies of not dealing with the problem and the root cause that exists.

I too was once a champion of space but over the years have realized the perils of asking for space. Now to all the space lovers out there - don’t get me wrong. “I think you need some space from me to figure out what you want”Īnd “A bit of space would make me realise what I want” “If you need space you should definitely take it”

“I think space would be good for the both of us” , How often have you experienced the “space” bomb being dropped on you! There are many variants to “I need space” which can seasoned with subtleties and nuances.